break me loser faceMy grades are pretty standard at the moment, 3 A's and a B+. But the only reason I have a B+ is cause my enriched world history teacher is a complete dick. he always gives us random pop quizzes and the questions he asks are hardly a good standard to ask them. but anyways, i'm like sitting in my computer class wasting time until 11, cause it's a half day. I can't honestly think of anything else to write, becides the fact that I haven't made a blog in a while. i guess until tommorow, or later, enjoy the poem I'm leaving at the bottom of the page.
The Bleeding.
Iv'e got no more intentions
Nothing to hide or lose
Trapped in the ancient fight
Of hated, rich love
And I walked in
And took it too seriously
But a broken heart aching to be fixed
I had, so what is to say?
Drain my blood
And make me ache like you
Let me bleed like you
So my blood runs cold no more
Screaming out to the sky, begging for release
Trapped in my own mess
My knees are sinking, I'm in too deep
Bleed me dead, it'd hurt less.
I'm sorry that my updates havent been frequent [slaps self] scratch that, I'm sorry I havent felt like updating this thing for months and months. It's really hard to keep track of my thoughts, sitting down and writing what i do everyday is somehow a hard task. Whether it's because I don't remember till later, or I'm too lazy, idk.
Boyfriend Staaatus: I'm dating this Asian boy named Eric Chuk Hang Kwan. he's almost 17, and a senior in highschool [I'm a junior] and is 100% chinese, and kyooooote! I love this boy alot.
School status: not much has changed. A's, as usual. My schedule's all fucked up and such. I'll be a junior and 17 next yeaaar.!
I don't know where my lifes going, I kinda feel as if everyone's expecting me to do something for them. friends want blah, parents want perfection, and boyfriends want to be close. unfortunetly I won't meet him until he graduates in '08. waaagh..D: I sure can wait for this cutie. I lurve him.
Job fucking ndfjhbtfroifbh status: still stuck at a job I hate with everything in me. My boss game me a hardrive today to fix my computer, I'll have my computer in my room functioning again! this means I'll be online all the time, and I'll be on here updating and talking on my aiiiim. :ShesROXANNE if you were wondering. =] desperate to chat with people. It's my entertainment, and I can stay in the house.
Otherwise, I guess this is where I close.
Lurrrrve,
Roxanne
wow i havent updated in a while.
-Roxy
Life is good.
i might have a girlfriend. the end.
-Roxy
had fun. yay.
brought up my slump about john micheal.
god.
ahaa. Diary. I have nothing else better to write than that. my mind is completly blank.
Come
Break me DOWN.
Marry me, Bury me
I am finished with you.
Look at my eyes
YOUR KILLING ME.
Killing me....
ALlIWANTEDWASYOU.
That would be my song quote for the day. Cause I'm feeling really lonely. I didn't realize how many people are in happy relationships, and now I feel alone. I want to be someones love. I hate bitching all the time, but at least someone is reading this somewhere in the mindsay community feeling the same.
I wish John Micheal felt the same
God it hurts it hurts so bad I can't do this.
It's so odd. my skin feels light and heavy at the same time. my heart hurts so bad, it causes me actual pain.
What should I do? everythings confusing yet so black-and-white simple these days. I don't even know what to think without the fear of being criticized. I'm so confused. lost yet walking straight without knowing if it's the right direction. Even the words I type are starting to sound like my poetry. and that means I'm really starting to feel what I speak for.
Someone seriously. Be random and make me feel needed. knock on my door. don't say a word, just hold me for hours whiule I tell you everything that's on my mind, about the things I should have done, the things I shouldn't have said, and everything else.
-Alex
DEATH AND DISEASE BY THE TEASPOON FULL
September 4thMy Resolution.